Post ALMOST anything you want thread

You got your fairytales mixed up.

These two canibals find a guy lost in the jungle. They decide to eat him raw. One cannibal starts at the head, the other at the feet. Finally, one of them calls out to the other and asks "How're you doing?" His buddy says "I'm having a ball!" The first one complains "You're eatin' too fast!!"

 

[FONT=&quot]A cop stops a Biker for traveling faster than the posted speed limit,
so he asks the biker his name.

''Fred,'' he replies.

''Fred what?'' the officer asks.

''Just Fred,'' the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give
the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a
ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.
The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays
along with it. ''Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?''

The biker replies, ''It's a long story, so stay with me.'' I was born
Fred Dingaling. I know -- a funny last name. The kids used to
tease me all the time, so I stayed to myself, studied hard and got
good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a
doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency,
and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Dingaling, MD.
After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.
Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through school, got my degree,
so then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry,
so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD,
so now I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD. Well, the ADA
found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was
Fred Dingaling, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the
ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my
MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD. Then the VD took away
my Dingaling, so now I am Just Fred.''

The officer walked away in tears, laughing.[/FONT]

 

:You_Rock_Emoticon:

 

Know anybody that could use this advice?

An old man goes into a drug store to buy some Viagra "Can I have 6 tablets, cut in quarters?"

"I can cut them for you " said the chemist "But a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection."

"I am 96 " said the old man . "I don't want an erection. I just want it sticking out far enough so I don't pee on my slippers. "

 

Tweezers and a pepper shaker cost a lot less, don't they? Of course that way you'd have to grope for it. Something to look forward to - waterproof slippers.

 

I guess thats the time when you have to revert back to potty training and sit.

 

Squatter's rights.

 

At least he won't be screaming wakey wakey let go of snaky.

 

That one-eyed monster always gets us in deep trouble.

 

In more ways than one...

 

you 2 are dorks!!

 

It's a change of career for me, from tech geek to human dork!

AKA Second childhood, OR:

http://www.oldcarfart.com/

 

Dang we stepped up Stormin' Does that mean we are on the same level as the Rev?

 

At our age, we can't get no respect. Being a Dork now is written off to us old farts. What's the dignified word for it? Self-effacing, witty, handsome, convivial, and opportunistic, of course, and any slip of the lip, well almost any slip.

It's a full time job, right? I think Rev has always been in denial. Dorkmanship is an art, and he sure is.