An elderly man in North Carolina had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while and look it over. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned and replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator." Moral: Old men can still think fast.
I heard the same story on the radio a few weeks back but it was peach trees that the farmer had. Kinda makes you wish it was true to take some nice pictures.
Maybe you'll like this one: A few days ago I went fishing, but after a short time I ran out of bait. Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth. (For all y'all Northerners, Canadians, and City Folk, a "cottonmouth" is a water moccasin -- one of the 4 poisonous snakes in North America , and generally the meanest, being more aggressive than rattlesnakes.) Frogs are good bass bait. Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog, and put it in my bait bucket. Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit. So, I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels fishing whiskey and poured a little in it's mouth. His eyes rolled back, and he went limp. I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog. A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot. There was that same snake with two frogs in his mouth. Life can be good in the South.
F**k me! A snake bite whisky for a freakin' snake lush!!!! That's advertising material for a fishing magazine!
