Can you cry under water? How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? Why does a round pizza come in a square box? What disease did cured ham actually have? How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out itwould be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural? Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Why did you just try singing the two songs above? Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused: :confused:
a horse walks into a bar the bartender says "Hey buddy.....why the long face?" thank you...try the veal
A guy walks into a bar and asks for a Whopper and a Coke. The bartender tells him, "we don't sell those here", so the guy leaves. About 15 minutes later the guy comes in again and asks for the same thing. The bartender tells him the same thing, again. The guy leaves. About 20 minutes go by and the guy comes in again and asks for a Whopper and a Coke. Now the bartender is fuming and he says, "If you come in here again asking for a Whopper and a Coke, I'm gonna beat the hell out of you with a bat". The guy leaves. An hour goes by and the guy comes in again. The bartender lets out a big sigh. But, this time the guy says, "Hey, you got a bat?" The bartender looking confused says,"No" The guy says, "Then, can I get a Whopper and a Coke?"
Henry Ford dies and gets to the Pearly Gates. As usual, Peter's there checking each newbie and says to Henry, "So what did you do for mankind?" Henry says, "I built the Ford Automobile!" Peter says, "Is that like a Camel with wheels?" Henry impatiently says, "Yeah, its sort of like that, but I think Camels run faster than my Model T's." Peter gives him the OK, and tells him to walk down to the last room on the left - the Inventor's room. So Henry waddles down, and finally walks in to find a whole mess of guys that added to his Cars. The first guy was Edison, so Henry goes to him, and thanks him profusely for the Incandescent lightbulb. He says, "Just before I got here, we were working on the plans for the future models and we're changing all our kerosene lamps to Sealed beams!, Thanks, Tom, you have no idea how big a help that will be!" He then meets Marconi, and the same thing with radios. He carries on until he gets way back in the room and meets up with this really old guy, still in good shape, but REALLY old. Henry asks him, "Sir who are you?" The gent says, "I'm Adam." Henry's stuck to find any idea he ever read about Adam inventing anything, so he asks him, "What did you invent?" Adam looks at him kind of confused and says, "I thought you were a marketer. If it wasn't for me, you'd be selling a lot less Fords, boy! I've been following your career, and you've done just fine, but you don't get that I invented WOMAN?!!" Well, Henry's a bit miffed at being rebuked like that, so he puts on his Engineer's hat, and starts criticizing Adam's design, "Look, you're design is all wrong! The Front Bumpers are too high. The back bumpers are too low, and the Exhaust is too close to the Intake!" Adam walked away, pondering improvements...
A penguin walks into a bar. He says to the bartender: "Have you seen my brother?" The bartender replies: "I dunno. What does he look like?"
