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Norman, a confirmed batchelor in West Hollywood was the envy of his neighbors every other year when he bought his fancy Nash’s. Even his Aunt Melba used to love Norman’s “sense of Flare”. She used to brag how smart Norman was. That was even confirmed when a friend of Norman’s told her how much time he spent in the “Bookstores”.

 

Wow!

 

That "friend" of Norman's blackmailed him, because of those books he fancied. He was smart about getting a camera with a scope, so that he could get a close-up of the cover of one of those books in Norman's hands. Knowing that Aunt Melba was a childless widow whose late husband had accumulated a fortune through real estate dealings, there would be a sizable inheritance left to Norman in her will, since she was one of two sisters and Norman was an only child. She had no brothers. So, Norman would be the only one to forward the family genes. Little did Aunt Melba know that Norman wasn't inclined to forward genes. That's why he went into such places to read such controversial books.
Norman was not dumb, though. The demand that he sign off half of his inheritance over to his "friend" was too much for him. Negotiating a settlement much lower than his friend's expectation proved fruitless (no pun intended). So, then Norman layed a trap, through telling that "friend" that he was going fishing that weekend, to think it over. Being that his "friend" never had let Norman disappear from his sight on weekends, he insisted on going along. What was unusual about that weekend is that this time Norman came back alone and without the lampcord and cinderblocks which he had packed into the trunk.
Since his "friend" was a sort of drifter who has moved to a sunshine state, attracted by contemporary liberal lifestyles, nobody had subsequently reported him missing.
For extra measure, Norman had married and had two children of his own, in order to thwart any suspicion as to what sort of relationship he once had with this "friend". This also pleased Aunt Melba who hasn't had any suspicion raised about Norman's double life

 

Wow PI. You’re a regular Jessica Fletcher! I guess even in the gay (happy in this case) world of two tone Nash’s nobody escapes the crushing reality of every day life. Sadly the last chapter of Norman’s life came in 1966, shortly after he purchased his New Studebaker, As Nash was long gone, and being a bit liberal he couldn’t buy a car that gave Romney any money. No alas dear Norman received his healthy bequest from dear Aunt Melba in 1963 after she died the day after Mr. Kennedy’s funeral. Although he was sly enough to outsmart his ole bookstore friend, he lost his fortune between Studebaker stock, and his now ex-wife who found some very “curious” letters from his old Marine buddy tucked away in Morman’s sock drawer. Finally feeling trapped, and discovered, he took his own life by letting the Studebaker idle for 4 hours in his one car garage. Being mad at both Studebaker, and his ex wife Helen, his suicide note read: “Dear Helen, I hope when I die I absolutely let go, like I’ve read about, at the legitimate bookstore, you whore. Good luck getting that out of the cloth seats of this otherwise stinking car. You can get those lousy twins to help you scrub. They’re not mine anyway. Hope you and the Encyclopedia Britannia man have a good life.” I guess the modern day take away is 1-never buy Chrysler bonds, and 2-make sure to scrub your computer, oh and buy a leather interior for easy clean up in case one and two don’t work.

 

Max Baer

 

Bing the thing Crosby

 

Debbie Reynolds clowning in front of her Mark II

 

Bar Brawler One, before Ted Kennedy took the crown

 

Tyrone "Power" supposedly fathered Romina Power

 

Clark Gable texting an onion