Post ALMOST anything you want thread

funny fellas

 

Take driver's ed in a SuperBird? Sign me up.

 

Yeah? Where the Hell were they when it was my turn? All we had were straight-six Granadas. At least my late brother Fred got to learn in a one-year-old Polara wagon. His instructor told him to turn on the headlights, and he grabbed and yanked the knob out of the windshield wiper switch! True story, Mom and Dad had to pay for that mishap!

 

Did your brother become a dentist?

 

1975 Tiffany Electric Car

 

Time Machine For Sale

https://wenatchee.craigslist.org/for/d/time-machine-needs-parts/6535489757.html

Time machine (needs parts) - $1000 (Wenatchee) hide this posting








© craigslist - Map data © OpenStreetMap
(google map)

condition: like new
cryptocurrency ok
make / manufacturer: Elon
model name / number: TT1100

I am selling this because I am stuck here in 2017 and will not live long enough now for the parts I need to be invented. The parts will be available commercially in the middle of 2034. This is an excellent opportunity for anyone who reasonably expects to live for another 17 years.

I was born in 2000 and am now 88. I came back to tell my 17 year old self to take my chances by asking Mandy out on a date. If she says yes, I think we will end up married and very happy together and have better behaved kids if I listen to my older self and follow through. I also told my dad to stay away from that stupid Facebook account but he got mad and told me that he did not believe that I was his son from the future and that Lisa was a professional dancer not a stripper and there was no way she wanted him just for his money, and that I could not recognize true love.

The time machine itself is made by Elon TTC, model TT1100, capable of going either way up to 1100 years and cost me $285,000 new. It has only been used once but traveling back 71 years made me kind of dizzy and I tripped as I stood up. As I hit the ground my left arm hit the CCG (crystalline capacitic generator) breaking both it and my arm. My arm still hurts like hell.

Meanwhile this machine is useless to me and that means a great deal for anyone who can invest now and only buy the CCG when it is available. Whatever you do, never fall for one of those fake ebay ads selling flux capacitors, thats from a movie, they are not real. The CCG will be available commercially in the middle of 2034, just order the 65mm, 3.775 gigawat version on timetravelparts.com when they become available.

Questions and answers

Q. How large is this? How much does it weigh? Will I have to rent somewhere to store it?
A. This is the Gen 3 handheld model. It weighs about as much as a gallon of milk.

Q. How is this programmed?
A. This operates on voice command or with the optional cranial sensory input but I did not use that, being old school I just went with the voice command model. Just make sure it understands you clearly before initiating or things could be bad.

Q. Does this have to be plugged in?
A. No silly, the CCG is what powers it. If I could just plug it in I would not be stuck here!

Q. Why would you time travel without spare parts.
A. This unit is handheld and can only take you - just a bit of a problem finding clothes upon arrival but hey, it's time travel.

Q. Will you take .00000015 bitcoin for this?
A. Yes, I will take 15 Satoshi of BTC for this right now.

Q. Can you tell me now what to invest in?
A. No, I don't want to ruin the wrong person or change the future which could be mine.

Q. Does Trump get a second term?
A. WTF kind of question is this? What does it matter if you will have an operating time machine in your hands just 17 years from now?

Q. Can you see me a picture of this?
A. No, we can meet up at Walmart parking lot and you can look at it. I am 88 years old now, what makes you think I have one of those smart phone magiggers that the NSA is spying on.

• do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers

I'd buy it, but I'm not sure I have 17 years to wait for parts.

 

Figures, the dumb SOB is from Wenatchee. He must never have picked apples for a living...nobody gets hurt out there....

Ivy: no, my brother went straight into the Army after graduation in '74. Once, after he got out of the Army, he needed to borrow Dad's Fairmont (the 'fourth' first car of mine), and when some clown cut us off, Fred smacked the steering wheel center, not knowing the horn was on the turn signal stalk! I eventually got the car, and as soon as the first chance I got at a junk yard, I got a replacement center cap.

 

That's pretty funny.......

 

My Austin Maestro 2.0 EFI was my first car having the horn button on the stalk. I had no problem getting used to that. But, when they moved the button from the center of the wheel to a corner within it, that was a recipe for a cussing Filibuster. Most of the time I was using the horn was when idiots who have no business getting issued a license would exit a roundabout, without signaling which is an offense which could easily be a cash cow, if video cameras were to be placed

 

I agree!
Thanks Yeller.

 

You oughta go out to Wenatchee, Jeremiah, and show him your time machine. At least you can see yours.

 

Thanks to that magic mushroom Alice was presented with

 

Now that would be entertaining. They probably wouldn't get it though...